In this post, she shares Anton Chekhov's letter to his alcoholic brother, which outlines the characteristics he believes are required for being a "civilized person." I found his letter disheartening and completely devoid of anything resembling empathy.
Now, I understand that I have no context for the letter and that dealing with the difficulties created by alcoholism probably has a major impact on how you have to react to a situation. I'm not trying to say that Mr. Chekhov's letter was wrong or inappropriate in it's time and place; I don't have anywhere near enough experience or knowledge to make that kind of call. But in the end, I read the letter with my eye-balls, living my life, complete with all my hang-ups, and I thought it was harsh.
So I got to thinking about how I would have written it. You know, to address my perspective on life. And in case some person in the future might need something to rail against.
To My Mind,
1. They learn how to deal with painful emotions in the best way possible. But they also forgive themselves for being imperfect humans who are occasionally overcome by those emotions.
2. They are compassionate to others. And they are equally as compassionate to themselves.
3. They are considerate in regards to the stress and feelings of others, and so tailor their talk to that end. They don't complain about their life at length or indulge in overly dismal talk. They use conversation to try to uplift and encourage others. However, they realize that they will also want to be heard when something is on their minds, and so they speak in confidence to a trusted friend when they need to, without doing it so much it becomes a burden that could hurt the friendship.
4. If they find themselves caught in a web of negative internal dialog, they work to get out of it. They try to focus on a more optimistic assessment of the situation, reframe or recast difficult things, or focus on finding solutions to their problems. If there's a good friend nearby who can help with this, they welcome the help. If they don't have such a friend readily available, they go for a walk or get out a journal and take care of themselves.
5. They love what they love. Over time, by observing their life and moods, they allow themselves to learn what really makes them happy and what matters to them. They discover their priorities. They accept this information, and may even delight it watching how it changes over time. In this way, they learn to appreciate and pay attention to the deeper things in their life.
6. They act responsibly when it comes to their roles. They get done what should be done, even if it isn't pleasant. A wise and healthy person would learn to do those things without complaining, as it only makes them worse.
7. They give time and energy to creating a calm, clean, healthy environment so that they, and those that live with them, can thrive.
And so on. That's how healthy people act. If you want to be healthy, it's not enough to look for a superficial form of happiness or focus on putting up a good social front. You have to work on your emotional and mental life, with full confidence that you can affect a positive change, and with the understanding that you are looking out for others, and for yourself.
